Paving Roads to 'Yes'

Bess de Boer

Jan 31, 20232 min read

What happens to us in the midst of conflict?

Situations of conflict activate a kind of REVERSAL of focus and behavior in us. We place our focus squarely on the other, rather than on...

Bess de Boer

Jun 26, 20221 min read

Keep Your Gaze on the Wounded Place

This quote from Rumi speaks profoundly to the cornerstone of my work in resolving difficult conflict: finding the wound in people and...

Bess de Boer

Mar 27, 20212 min read

Returning To Our True Selves Through Conflict

Most of us often think of the conflict situations that we face in our life, as unforeseen negative events that present themselves,...

Bess de Boer

Mar 20, 20212 min read

Lifting The Veil On Difficult Conversations

What makes conversations difficult is all the stuff we’re thinking and feeling, but NOT saying to the other - the hidden CONVERSATIONS WE...

Bess de Boer

Sep 15, 20202 min read

The Alchemy of Apology

A GENUINE APOLOGY IS TRANSFORMATIVE! It’s like the first drop of rain falling on the earth when it’s parched for water. And yet… it’s...

Bess de Boer

Aug 19, 20192 min read

Unravelling the knots of conflict

Dealing with intractable conflict is like unraveling a tightly knotted ball of yarn. Trying to find and pull one of its ends can bring...

Bess de Boer

Jul 31, 20192 min read

Empathy: The first step on the walk from 'No' to 'Yes'

Empathy has the power to melt an iceberg of resistance I still remember the first morning I walked into the teaching hall at Harvard for...

Bess de Boer

Jun 4, 20192 min read

Start by looking in the mirror

The biggest obstacle to getting to 'yes', is often ourselves. We need to start by looking in the mirror. It's instinctive to shut all...

Bess de Boer

May 22, 20192 min read

The Underestimated Power of Listening

Can there EVER be communication without someone listening to the one speaking? Communication REQUIRES listening. And yet, listening is...